Choose Your Own Adventure #7: Do Your Daily Zen Meditation

Squeeze. Relax. Squeeze, yeah, maybe just keep it squeezed for a little while. Goodness fucking gracious, my audience is half-filled with relatively short people, he thought. How am I gonna keep this up?

You see, this is where I feel for the dude, for you can only imagine how much perma-stress goofy-fucked itself into and around his bod. And that's not really the kind of high guys like us usually shoot for.

*audience crackles*

So anyways the fucking loser panicked and locked himself into some kind of utility cellar type thing in the theater, you know what i'm trying to say here? And he's such a stud that he had to disinfect the whole room with Phthalaldehyde, which in my opinion isn't the best time management.

He choked and he choked, he reached through the dark for a switch he knew was there. He felt his mind slowly begin to be clouded by static, and all his memories actually getting shittier. He fumbled across the boards, make it stop oh god jamey make it stop. Lol. LOL. A thousand tykes shouted "LAMO!" from their mothers suburbans. THE LITTLE SHIT. Just as his balls turned a pleasant shade of beige he found it.

The Random Switch.

Well actually it was more like a knob with varying degrees of intensity, all the way from ticket inspector to something with blue anime eyes. It could get quite soft, really. Oxi turned that thing down a few knotches so his mind could be clear for his meditation. Ahh, sweet coherence. His lungs came back on the in-flight radio. "Wow my friend, we very worried for a bit there. Thought we lost you." They curtsied at each other like two life-long best friends meeting for the very first time in a sun-bathed dance studio. He cried. He bawled for the first time since he started toking. He eatprayloved all through the night with a beautiful sincerity. It seems oxi has found his true love.

And just like that he popped his dick back into place and stepped right behind the curtains as the fat grape man said some words to the criss-cross applesauce shiteaters. I don't think anybody really knew what his act was gonna be honestly, but you could say Oxi had some lines to rehearse. More like he'd be taken out of here in a hearse in a few minutes.

Ditch this sad area and escape your cruel and insecure fans, think of how to to refund their tickets later

or

Step up to bat and hope it doesn't rain something of a mess